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by Winchester_Writer



Series: A Soldier's Diary: Steve Rogers and Bucky Barnes [1]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Bucky Barnes - Freeform, Bucky Barnes Feels, Bucky Barnes Recovering, Bucky Barnes Remembers, Bucky and Steve for the first time, Bucky and Steve in Wakanda, Other, POV Bucky Barnes, POV Steve Rogers, Protective Steve Rogers, Steve Rogers Feels, Steve Rogers Needs a Hug, Winter Soldier Bucky Barnes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-07
Updated: 2021-02-07
Packaged: 2021-03-12 06:15:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,750
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29255796
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Winchester_Writer/pseuds/Winchester_Writer
Summary: Steve and Bucky are both alone, broken, hurting, they're kept apart by the cryo which Bucky is under. But what happens when they finally aren't kept apart?
Relationships: Steve/Bucky, Stucky
Series: A Soldier's Diary: Steve Rogers and Bucky Barnes [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2148297
Comments: 2
Kudos: 18





	Home

It’s been a year, well 12 months and 18 days to be exact. Steve had been there to sit besides him and visit him every day since then. Ultimately, it was his choice to go back under, to subject himself to the pain of cryo and undoubtedly the memories that would flood back when he was unthawed. Steve took comfort in the fact that it was his choice, the first choice that Bucky Barnes had made for himself in around 70 years. “It was his choice,” Steve reminds himself as he sits next to the tube which Bucky is currently laying in. He looks almost peaceful, yet at the same time empty. It was as if he was just a shell, an old canister emptied out and left to rust. Steve took a deep breath and looked back down at the drawing he was working on. He scratched at it, the sound of lead against paper the only thing filling the empty room. Steve was drawing Coney Island, back in its glory days before there were so many people and the ride “Cyclone” was the best thing anyone there had ever experienced. 

Footsteps, he immediately looked up, alert and ready for an attack, but his reflexes and instincts calmed as he saw Shuri walk in. She said nothing and Steve was grateful for that. He didn’t know what he would say, or if his voice would even work. He figured that it would shatter halfway through his sentence, like every sentence had since Buck went under. His hands stopped moving, pencil abandoning the drawing as he watched Shuri move around. Part of him wanted to scream at her, to tell her to just find a cure, but he knew that it wasn’t that easy. Shuri walked around the lab for about twenty minutes before she finally spoke, “not today.” 

Two words, he didn’t realize that two words could be that heartbreaking, that two words could knock the wind out of him and make it hard to breathe. Steve nodded in acknowledgement before he stood up. He placed a hand on the glass tube, right where Bucky’s heart was, he didn’t speak, didn’t move, he didn’t even breathe. Shuri watched the interaction, the silent gesture and felt herself become irritated and frustrated, the Captain deserved better than this, he needed him back. 

Steve’s hand gently slipped off of the tube and then he walked out of the room, no longer able to handle the frozen feeling which overcame him every time he sat there. He thought back to when they were kids and he vaguely wondered if this is how Bucky felt every time he had to take care of him when Steve came down with pneumonia or some other sickness. He went into his room, sitting down on his bed and looking out the window; not even the sights of Wakanda could pique his interest. On any other day he might have thought the view was beautiful, he might have even gone out onto the balcony to draw it, but not today, not for the past 383 days. He was just getting a bit comfortable when one of the palace workers came to him, delivering a message from T’Challa, the world needed Captain America again. 

So Steve went, because that was his job, that was his duty, to protect and serve his country. That’s why he became a soldier, wasn’t it? But part of the real reason burned in the back of his brain, he went because Bucky went. He needed to be with Buck and if that meant following him into the jaws of death, well Steve would do so with a smile. When he became Captain America and Bucky started following him, it felt wrong, because in his bones, Steve knew that everything he had ever done, he had done for Bucky. So now, he did this for Bucky too, knowing that if they lost, Bucky would never be able to recover and live the life he deserved. 

It was day 391, a week after Steve left Wakanda when Shuri came running into the lab.

“Captain, Captain, Steve!” she shouted out, but the man was not in his normal place. The lab felt oddly empty with just her there. Shuri didn’t know why the Captain wasn’t there, he always was at this time. It wasn’t until she asked a guard that she knew that he was gone. Part of her sobbed, part of her cried out in relief, because she had finally found it. The cure, the program to erase the damage which Hydra had done. So she continued, she opened the tube which Bucky was in and began the process, hooking him up to multiple different machines and running around the room. She went through procedure after procedure, before it was finally over. Shuri took a deep breath as guards surrounded her. She was going to wake him up and the guards were there, just in case this didn’t work. God, she hopes it worked. 

He came out of cyro slowly, body adjusting to the change in temperature, he knew this feeling all too well. He knew the frigid cold and the sudden burst of heat that awoke him when his handlers needed him. He remembered the aching in his bones and the feeling of frostbite and fire fighting each other within his veins. But this time it was different, it was slow, it was less painful, it was forgein. Bucky didn’t know how to respond, how to feel, it was always a shock, but this time he felt it. It wasn’t just a mindless numbing, no, his brain was taking everything in, his senses alert and for the first time in years, completely his. 

“Sergeant Barnes?” that’s the first words he heard, a soft voice coming from in front of him. He slowly opened his eyes and saw what he thought was an angel in front of him. 

Shuri nodded as Bucky opened his eyes, “Sergeant Barnes, are you with us?” 

Bucky knew that he was being asked a question, his ears heard correctly, but he didn’t believe them. Because he didn’t have to answer, his brain was processing the question, making a decision, he didn’t just answer. Bucky didn’t have to answer, so he didn’t. 

Shuri gulped a bit and then swallowed down her fear, “we are going to go through your trigger words, if everything is done correctly they won’t affect you.” 

“Longing,” Bucky twitched a bit, his eyes closing, but he could still breathe, his chest wasn’t tightening, he wasn’t gasping for air. 

“Rusted,” his brain processed the word, but it didn’t feel like it normally did, it didn’t feel as if he was drowning. 

“Seventeen,” just a number, a stupid number that comes after sixteen and before eighteen, just a number. 

“Daybreak,” one of his favorite times of the day, well actually, it was Steve’s favorite part of the day. He said that the lighting made for amazing drawings. 

“Nine,” another number, but this number was familiar, it was the age at which he had broken his first bone. Steve had dared him to jump off the swing, he probably shouldn’t have taken it. 

“Benign,” a word, just a word with a definition that Bucky couldn’t clearly recall, but nonetheless, just a word. 

“Homecoming,” what he longed for, what this felt like. What he felt whenever he was with Steve, a sense of security, he was returning home. 

“One,” another number, the first number, and the number he assigned to Steve, the only one in his life. 

“Freight car,” the last words, what he fell off of, the moment of impact as he hit the ground in the ravine. But he was still here, his brain was still thinking, the wheels still turning. He could breathe and the breath was coming in steady, long breaths, not the short, heaving gasps which he normally felt. His eyes slowly opened and his body started moving, but this time it was him in control. 

“Sergeant Ba-” Shuri was cut off by Bucky grabbing her and hugging her tightly with his one arm. The guards immediately went to grab and attack him, but Shuri stopped them. Bucky pulled away softly, tears filling his eyes because he was free. This is what freedom felt like. Memories came flooding in, emotions rose up to the surface, but one thing drowned out all other noise, he looked at Shuri with hope and said one simple word, “Steve?”   


Shuri smiled at him, “he’ll be here tonight.” 

Bucky felt his entire body warm, a peace like no other overcoming him, he was free, yet he still belonged to someone, he still belonged to Steve and knowing that he would be here soon was the only thing he needed.

Steve was practically running through the palace, through the labyrinth of hallways and doors before finally coming to his own room. He paused, body suddenly stopping as if he couldn’t physically move. Bucky was just on the other side of the door, he didn’t know what to feel. Relief, worry, peace, fear, love, they all washed over him as his hand reached for the handle. It was turned slowly before the door opened and he stepped inside the well lit room. Steve turned and closed the door before finally turning towards the bed, seeing Bucky sitting on the edge of it. He looked...real, like it was for the first time, really Bucky sitting in front of him. Neither of them spoke as Steve moved forward, his hand raising to gently cup Bucky’s cheek. Normally, Bucky would flinch, would anticipate the blow that was about to fall, but not with Steve. Steve meant safety, meant love, Steve was his home. Steve’s thumb ran over Bucky’s cheek before he kneeled in front of him. Neither of them spoke for a long while, the two just basking in a feeling that neither of them had felt since Bucky fell from the train. 

“It’s you,” Steve whispered out, breaking the silence, his words piercing through the air. 

Bucky nodded, “it’s me. Is it really you?”   


Steve nodded and smiled before his other hand gently grabbed Bucky’s, “yes, it is.” 

For the first time, Bucky felt completely at peace, his body totally relaxed, his mind focused solely on Steve, and his heart beating steadily in his chest. He gave a small smile and nodded, saying two simple words, which meant everything to both of them. 

“I’m home.” 

  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so so much for reading! Please leave a comment below and let me know how you liked to story, if it can be improved, etc!


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